Lately, I have been reminiscing over my life and thinking about the decisions I've made to get me to this point in my life. I know I can't undo the past but I still get those thoughts of "what if I zagged instead of zigged back then?" and "what would my life be if I chose this path instead of the one I chose?".
I can't help but think when I was younger, I was so focused on making something of myself that I would be desirable and financially secure when I got older. I can remember back when girls were talking about how they don't want to be with a broke man and listening to songs like "Ain't Nothing Going On But The Rent" on the radio. Let's not forget the bombardment of negative stereotypes from movies and TV of Black people. We're lazy, not wanting to work, living on welfare, the cause of all crime in America; I could go on.
Bottom line is I spent to majority of my pursuing the "perfect" job over a personal life, making lots of money so that I wouldn't be struggling by the time I retire. Well, now that I'm over 50 years old, I'm nowhere near that goal. Working as a contractor for companies such as GE and AT&T was NOT my idea of the "perfect job". Still struggling to make ends meet. Still have that anticipation in the back of my mind that eventually something or someone will come along to bring chaos and disruption in my life to cause me to start over yet again.
I also can't help but think if I had put more energy in pursuing a personal life than a professional one, I may have been better off. But as I said before, who wants to be with a broke man? I was 30 when I actually began pursuing a relationship with someone. Being a virgin in every sense of the word, it was very awkward in the beginning, but like everything else in my life, it was a matter of me putting in the effort and learning from my mistakes before I would eventually become more adept at how to talk to people and conduct myself.
I'm over the hill now, and over the way I used to think about things. I'm no longer going to spend the rest of the time I have left on this earth chasing after things that are out of my reach. The book of Ecclesiastes says pursuing worldly possessions is like "chasing the wind". I feel like that is what I have been doing for most of my life, but not any more! As for work, I report to work, do my 8 hours then go home.....nothing more! Sacrificing personal time in hopes of getting ahead hasn't worked for me so I would be a fool to continue foregoing personal opportunities for something that may or MAY NOT happen career-wise. Statistically, a White high school dropout has a far better chance of getting ahead in the Information Technology field that a Black, college educated and experienced person like myself , and I tend to believe that based upon my 26 years of experience in this field.
Now, if there's an opportunity for me to travel and/or meet people, I take them. Of course I give notice at work ahead of time. Still have to pay the bills!. But my focus is now on personal growth more than professional. Being more concerned about who or where I want to visit than worrying if I fixed this person's computer to their satisfaction, I completed this project on time, I will pay all the bills for this week, or I will still have a job tomorrow. I am SO tired of all that stress!! An it never ends not matter how much I try to keep ahead of things!
All I can do now is to do the best I can with what I have and let God handle the rest!
Thursday, September 19, 2019
Thursday, June 20, 2019
The Slave Bible
Besides being a computer nerd, I'm also a news junkie. When I'm home, my TV is on CNN or NBC News (not so much since Trump became President!). One night NBC News showed a segment called "The Slave Bible", which piqued my interest, so I actually stopped playing World of Warcraft so I can watch the segment.
During the era of Slavery, the Slave Bible was a heavily redacted version of the Holy Bible, specifically designed for slaves to prevent slaves from rebelling. According to the segment, about 90% of the Old Testament and 50% of the New Testament were removed to create the Slave Bible. So basically, any scripture referring to freedom or fairness were removed. Slaves never heard of the story of Moses defying Pharaoh and leading his people out of Egypt or passage stating "we are neither slave of free; we are one in Christ Jesus". All they knew was "Servants obey your masters", Noah's curse upon Ham, and the like.
While watching the segment, I immediately thought, "Now that makes sense!". There always was a thought in the back of my head wondered how slave owners were able to indoctrinate slave using the Holy Bible. Because they were not using the TRUE Holy Bible! In church, we're taught God's word is true and never add anything to it or take anything from it. So, since much was taken out of the Holy Bible, what the slave were taught were not God's word at all, but man's word!
At the end of the segment, the reporter stated the Slave Bible didn't work because Caribbean slaves continually rebelled until Emancipation. I took issue with that statement. In the case of Caribbean slaves, that is true, but not the case of American slaves. Not only using the Slave Bible kept slaves subservient, but also the overall cruelty, mistreatment, threats and acts of violence, helped keep slave revolts to a minimum. Other than the revolt led by Nat Turner, I never heard or read about any other slave revolts in America ( I may have to Google that). I'm sure there were some revolts, but they were few and far between. I would conclude that American slaves, more often than not, chose escape over rebellion. Main reason being they didn't have any weapons (at least nothing comparable to a firearm) they could use against their slave masters (and the slave masters made sure of that!). Simply put, slaves were outgunned and slave masters had no qualms of killing "disruptive" or as they say, "uppity" slaves.
Overall, I enjoyed the segment. I felt I gained knowledge and have a better understanding of Slavery. I'm even curious to know if any of these Slave bibles are floating on the free market and/or what became of all those copies!
During the era of Slavery, the Slave Bible was a heavily redacted version of the Holy Bible, specifically designed for slaves to prevent slaves from rebelling. According to the segment, about 90% of the Old Testament and 50% of the New Testament were removed to create the Slave Bible. So basically, any scripture referring to freedom or fairness were removed. Slaves never heard of the story of Moses defying Pharaoh and leading his people out of Egypt or passage stating "we are neither slave of free; we are one in Christ Jesus". All they knew was "Servants obey your masters", Noah's curse upon Ham, and the like.
While watching the segment, I immediately thought, "Now that makes sense!". There always was a thought in the back of my head wondered how slave owners were able to indoctrinate slave using the Holy Bible. Because they were not using the TRUE Holy Bible! In church, we're taught God's word is true and never add anything to it or take anything from it. So, since much was taken out of the Holy Bible, what the slave were taught were not God's word at all, but man's word!
At the end of the segment, the reporter stated the Slave Bible didn't work because Caribbean slaves continually rebelled until Emancipation. I took issue with that statement. In the case of Caribbean slaves, that is true, but not the case of American slaves. Not only using the Slave Bible kept slaves subservient, but also the overall cruelty, mistreatment, threats and acts of violence, helped keep slave revolts to a minimum. Other than the revolt led by Nat Turner, I never heard or read about any other slave revolts in America ( I may have to Google that). I'm sure there were some revolts, but they were few and far between. I would conclude that American slaves, more often than not, chose escape over rebellion. Main reason being they didn't have any weapons (at least nothing comparable to a firearm) they could use against their slave masters (and the slave masters made sure of that!). Simply put, slaves were outgunned and slave masters had no qualms of killing "disruptive" or as they say, "uppity" slaves.
Overall, I enjoyed the segment. I felt I gained knowledge and have a better understanding of Slavery. I'm even curious to know if any of these Slave bibles are floating on the free market and/or what became of all those copies!
Wednesday, June 19, 2019
Since My Last Post.....
Last summer, I decided that I needed to find another job. One big reason is that driving from Louisville to Lexington everyday was hell on my car and my wallet!! I was spending at least $120 in gas and putting 165 miles a day on my car! I had asked if I could work from home once or twice a week to help ease the burden of driving so far to work, but I was turned down citing the contract stated working from home was not allowed. The hypocrisy that I saw was that my coworkers who lived much closer were working from home (sometimes covertly) without being reprimanded.
A bigger reason for leaving is that I did not get any training or help that I needed to do the job, It was bad enough to find out after the fact that the job was not that job that was advertised, but to not train me to do the job that was expected of me was an insult! I really felt that I was screwed over royally! I was there for nearly a year and the most productive I was while I was there was getting proficient in playing Solitaire, Spider Solitaire, and Tri-Peaks on my phone! Some of you may say "Yeah, but it's easy money" (and I even told myself that at times), but the time will come that I will have to do the job, but how can I do the job if no one trains me for it? Especially a job for which I was deceived in to applying? I tried to learn as much on my own, but that only goes so far. I asked techs who knew the job for help but got "I'm busy" type responses or no response at all.
And the biggest reason of them all - MONEY!! Not that I was not getting paid , but I was not getting paid ON TIME! I was being paid twice a month (the 15th and last day of each month) so I would need to submit my time sheet for approval 2 business day prior to pay day so I would be paid on time. Unfortunately, there was only one person who approved the time sheets, so no back up in case that person was out sick or on vacation, etc. The first time my time sheet was not approved on time, I was understanding about it and dealt with it. But then it happened a second time. After sending in my time sheet, I id not get a confirmation that My time sheet had been received ad was approved. I started getting concerned about it because if I'm getting paid late, then I'm paying my bills late which can negatively affect my credit, as well as get late notices from creditors and get charged late fees for paying bills late (not to mention, keeping gas in the car so I can get back and forth to work!). When it happened a third time, that was the straw that broke the camel's back! I felt this time it was intentional because I did not receive any confirmation that my time sheet had been approved and I had to send my time sheet a second time before getting the approval. So after my time sheet was finally approved, I submitted my resignation the next day.
Long before I resigned, I was blasting my resume all over the Internet and registering to every job website I could think of. I had recruiters blowing up my phone with job opportunities that they think I would be a "good fit" for. I jumped through their hoops, e-signing every document they sent, taking time off for interviews, and get "edged out" by a candidate who was a "better fit". I distinctly remember interviewing for a desktop support job with Wild Turkey Distillery. Although the job was only for six months or so but I had to get away from Conduent! I think I was their first interview. They quizzed me on my technical knowledge and I was just knocking it out of the park. By the end of the interview, I was certain I would be offered the job. I was thinking, "Finally, I'm be away from Conduent and working a job that I know how to do! And working a bourbon distillery that I had toured earlier in the year! The feed back I got from the recruiter was they were ready to bring me on board, but all of a sudden, the recruiter told me they wanted to interview a few more people. A few days passed , then a couple weeks passed. I asked the recruiter what's going on, but she told me they told me they wanted to interview more people. A month after I had interview with Wild Turkey, I gave up waiting and resumed my job search. Something insides me was asking " Did they not want a 50 year old Black guy working at their establishment?". Of course I couldn't prove anything, but it just kept gnawing at me why were they so hesitant to offer me the job.
Shortly after that fiasco, I was offered a contract-to-hire position with DXC, who had recently bought out the contact with IBM, who provided computer support to AT&T. I interviewed with the manager of the Tech group. The interview didn't last fifteen minutes! She asked me the generic "Tell me about yourself" question, then I went int my job history spiel. After that she asked if I had reliable transportation, to which I replied "yes". I tried to ask a couple of technical questions but she didn't answer them. then the interview was over. I called the recruiter and told him how short the interview was and that she was more concerned about my having reliable transportation than my technical knowledge. About 30 minutes after that call, the recruiter calls back and offers me the job! I was overjoyed that I finally have a job in that wings so I can quit Conduent, but was concerned about what I was walking into because of the interview. Of course, I accepted the new job. The pay was the same but I'm not driving to Lexington every day, and I'm getting paid weekly instead of bimonthly!
A bigger reason for leaving is that I did not get any training or help that I needed to do the job, It was bad enough to find out after the fact that the job was not that job that was advertised, but to not train me to do the job that was expected of me was an insult! I really felt that I was screwed over royally! I was there for nearly a year and the most productive I was while I was there was getting proficient in playing Solitaire, Spider Solitaire, and Tri-Peaks on my phone! Some of you may say "Yeah, but it's easy money" (and I even told myself that at times), but the time will come that I will have to do the job, but how can I do the job if no one trains me for it? Especially a job for which I was deceived in to applying? I tried to learn as much on my own, but that only goes so far. I asked techs who knew the job for help but got "I'm busy" type responses or no response at all.
And the biggest reason of them all - MONEY!! Not that I was not getting paid , but I was not getting paid ON TIME! I was being paid twice a month (the 15th and last day of each month) so I would need to submit my time sheet for approval 2 business day prior to pay day so I would be paid on time. Unfortunately, there was only one person who approved the time sheets, so no back up in case that person was out sick or on vacation, etc. The first time my time sheet was not approved on time, I was understanding about it and dealt with it. But then it happened a second time. After sending in my time sheet, I id not get a confirmation that My time sheet had been received ad was approved. I started getting concerned about it because if I'm getting paid late, then I'm paying my bills late which can negatively affect my credit, as well as get late notices from creditors and get charged late fees for paying bills late (not to mention, keeping gas in the car so I can get back and forth to work!). When it happened a third time, that was the straw that broke the camel's back! I felt this time it was intentional because I did not receive any confirmation that my time sheet had been approved and I had to send my time sheet a second time before getting the approval. So after my time sheet was finally approved, I submitted my resignation the next day.
Long before I resigned, I was blasting my resume all over the Internet and registering to every job website I could think of. I had recruiters blowing up my phone with job opportunities that they think I would be a "good fit" for. I jumped through their hoops, e-signing every document they sent, taking time off for interviews, and get "edged out" by a candidate who was a "better fit". I distinctly remember interviewing for a desktop support job with Wild Turkey Distillery. Although the job was only for six months or so but I had to get away from Conduent! I think I was their first interview. They quizzed me on my technical knowledge and I was just knocking it out of the park. By the end of the interview, I was certain I would be offered the job. I was thinking, "Finally, I'm be away from Conduent and working a job that I know how to do! And working a bourbon distillery that I had toured earlier in the year! The feed back I got from the recruiter was they were ready to bring me on board, but all of a sudden, the recruiter told me they wanted to interview a few more people. A few days passed , then a couple weeks passed. I asked the recruiter what's going on, but she told me they told me they wanted to interview more people. A month after I had interview with Wild Turkey, I gave up waiting and resumed my job search. Something insides me was asking " Did they not want a 50 year old Black guy working at their establishment?". Of course I couldn't prove anything, but it just kept gnawing at me why were they so hesitant to offer me the job.
Shortly after that fiasco, I was offered a contract-to-hire position with DXC, who had recently bought out the contact with IBM, who provided computer support to AT&T. I interviewed with the manager of the Tech group. The interview didn't last fifteen minutes! She asked me the generic "Tell me about yourself" question, then I went int my job history spiel. After that she asked if I had reliable transportation, to which I replied "yes". I tried to ask a couple of technical questions but she didn't answer them. then the interview was over. I called the recruiter and told him how short the interview was and that she was more concerned about my having reliable transportation than my technical knowledge. About 30 minutes after that call, the recruiter calls back and offers me the job! I was overjoyed that I finally have a job in that wings so I can quit Conduent, but was concerned about what I was walking into because of the interview. Of course, I accepted the new job. The pay was the same but I'm not driving to Lexington every day, and I'm getting paid weekly instead of bimonthly!
Am I Black or African-American?
I was listening to the Joe Madison Show on Sirius XM radio this morning. Joe seemed to be in a rather nasty, "I don't want to hear any BS" kind of mood. Some of the callers that Joe didn't agree with were curtly interrupted before they could complete their thought and hung up on. One caller was suggesting to Joe that we (African-Americans) should remove the hyphen from our nationality. Joe responded, rather defensively, that we should not drop the hyphen because other nationalities don't. Unfortunately Joe didn't allow the caller to finish his thought as I was interested in knowing his reasoning. For me, I think it's something much deeper than a category or classification.
As far as being referred to as African-American, I think that it's a misnomer. To me, the term "African-American" implies an immigrant from Africa coming to the United States of his or her own volition, regardless of circumstance, to make a better life. In the case of most Black American, that is not the case. You should not have to look any farther than history. During the Slave Trade, Black Africans were brought to American against their will, whether they were kidnapped or sold in to Slavery. After arriving to America, slave were taken to slave markets to be bought and sold by slave masters, tearing families apart. Over generations, we were stripped of our true heritage, language, and culture and forced to adopt a culture that viewed us as less than human.
I would dare say that the disconnect between Africa and descendants of slaves is somewhat similar to the disconnect between God and Man; the only difference being there in no intercessory to repair the rift. I also say that the disconnect is so complete that I or any Black American are just as much a foreigner to Africa as any non-African.
I recall the trip to Accra, Ghana I took back in 1993. I was the first time I traveled outside the U.S. After arriving to Kotoka International Airport, it was a virtual sea of Black people. But the airport is no different than any other, with people rushing to get from A to B in 2 minutes or less. The 2 weeks I spent in Koforidua were amazing! To be among so many people who look like me was very comforting. As much as I felt comforted, I felt very much estranged. I didn't know the language, the customs, or anything for that matter. I was very much a stranger in a strange land. at the end of the 2nd week, I was more than ready to head back to the States because that's what I know, that's where people I live and grew up with are, that's my home.
As far as being referred to as African-American, I think that it's a misnomer. To me, the term "African-American" implies an immigrant from Africa coming to the United States of his or her own volition, regardless of circumstance, to make a better life. In the case of most Black American, that is not the case. You should not have to look any farther than history. During the Slave Trade, Black Africans were brought to American against their will, whether they were kidnapped or sold in to Slavery. After arriving to America, slave were taken to slave markets to be bought and sold by slave masters, tearing families apart. Over generations, we were stripped of our true heritage, language, and culture and forced to adopt a culture that viewed us as less than human.
I would dare say that the disconnect between Africa and descendants of slaves is somewhat similar to the disconnect between God and Man; the only difference being there in no intercessory to repair the rift. I also say that the disconnect is so complete that I or any Black American are just as much a foreigner to Africa as any non-African.
I recall the trip to Accra, Ghana I took back in 1993. I was the first time I traveled outside the U.S. After arriving to Kotoka International Airport, it was a virtual sea of Black people. But the airport is no different than any other, with people rushing to get from A to B in 2 minutes or less. The 2 weeks I spent in Koforidua were amazing! To be among so many people who look like me was very comforting. As much as I felt comforted, I felt very much estranged. I didn't know the language, the customs, or anything for that matter. I was very much a stranger in a strange land. at the end of the 2nd week, I was more than ready to head back to the States because that's what I know, that's where people I live and grew up with are, that's my home.
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